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Today I had a meltdown. Through disappointment, then the frustration and overwhelming sense of helplessness that has been in me for years, I lost my cool. In the course of maybe half an hour this happened – the events that caused these feelings. And any 3rd party would rightly say that I am overreacting tremendously. But there’s so much…. building up inside of me. I felt like cutting was the only thing I could control. So I cut myself. I’m feeling absolutely terrible. Pathetic, helpless, unworthy… just to start. What’s the fucking point… of anything.

Surgery Recovery + Normal Life

A quick hello! You may or may not have heard that I had surgery to remove the bunion on my left foot on May 18th. Well, I am recovering from that still (and still several weeks to go!), but tomorrow – I get my stitches out! I’m pretty excited, if only because it is another step (no pun intended) toward being able to go about as I please again. Here is a picture of my foot with my blue bandages that I got at last week’s appointment.

My blue bandages on my foot where I had my bunion removed.

As for what I’m up to now – well not much, as you might imagine. I’m finally getting off my butt and unpacking a little bit – yes, I know I came home about 3 weeks ago! At first I was just busy and wanted to enjoy being home, then I had surgery and haven’t been able to do much. Plus – unpacking is so daunting! But, I am finally making progress.

In addition, I am working on some websites. I am redoing my professor’s website in Flash, as opposed to HTML like I’d done it originally. She is more comfortable with that and would be able to make changes to it without my assistance. I also have finished (well, sorta — it needs pictures!) a website for Good for Ewe, LLC. Go check it out!

Anyway, that’s all for now. Also, if you aren’t already following my study abroad blog for when I travel to London in the Autumn, please do! You can find it here: Well Bloody Hell!

One of Those Days

Happy Mother’s day..

 

I’m having one of those shitty days all of a sudden. Where I’m upset for no apparent reason. That’s the worst part, I have no legitimate reason to bitch, but I need to. I’m irritated, I’m confused, I’m mad. I’m lightheaded, sore, and hungry.

• I don’t know why I’m lightheaded. Dehydrated maybe? But it isn’t helping anything.
• I’m irritated because I have little to no patience. I’ve been trying to teach my friend to play WoW. I haven’t had to learn the baby steps in so long, I forget that not everyone knows them. And it makes teaching him to play very hard for me because I get impatient and don’t understand why he doesn’t get it. He’s doing a great job, and I’m just… pathetic.
• I’m confused because my ex, whom I still have feelings for, had a girl at his place last night. This is the first girl really since we broke up. I’m happy for him because I want him to have someone in his life, or at least not feel tied to me. I certainly have ‘moved on’ – in the sense that I have seen other people to a certain extent, and have feelings for someone else even now. But at the same time, I can’t just.. embrace this. My ex still means a lot to me, and I’d always thought maybe something would change and we could try again in the future. Any guy since him has.. just not been the same. Doesn’t know me like he does, love me the way he does. And my feelings, even if I feel like I’m in love, aren’t the same. The feelings are not overwhelming. Does this mean I’m not in love or does this mean that it is a different love? Am I over my ex? Is what I’m feeling normal or healthy? What if my ex is the one I got away? What if I didn’t realize what I had and now it’s gone? I don’t know. And it scares me. I’m starting to feel resentful toward him, because I don’t think my ex knows that I have these mixed feelings and that I haven’t had to deal with them before. And yes, it is awkward and disrespectful to talk to your ex online while there is a girl asleep in your bed.
• I’m trying to lose weight because I’m fat now. This means eating better, eating less, and exercising more. So I’m hungry from trying to eat less. I tried going running with my mom, just for a little bit to start, and I came back even more lightheaded, sobbing (what the fuck happened to endorphins), and sore. I’m angry because I trusted my mom with my feelings, with my worries, and asked for her help. Clearly this was a mistake. First thing she tries to do is take me on a run. I HATE running. Just running for the sake of running. It brings up bad childhood memories. But I decide I should try. Instead I’m crying. I would be insane to do something again that makes me cry. Fuck that. I come back and I’m sweating and winded – from a half a mile. All that did was to show me I’m fat, out of shape, and really pathetic.

I want to yell and bitch and throw things. And I have absolutely no good reason to.

😥

Voices To Give You Goosebumps

I have wanted to write a post about these two guys for a long, long time, but I have never gotten around to it!

Tom Hulce and Paul Kandel

You must love on them! Of course, where I love their voices most is from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” (Walt Disney Studios, 1996) soundtrack. They have absolutely gorgeous voices, and literally give me goosebumps (especially Tom Hulce).

Tom Hulce in his prime

Tom Hulce is the voice of Quasimodo, the titular character. At first was I not a big fan of his voice, and the vibrato got on my nerves. And then at some point, I totally changed my mind and FELL IN LOVE! My favorite song of his from the HoND soundtrack is “Out There” – I mean it when I say it gives me goosebumps every time I hear it! (Watch and listen here!) You may recognize Tom from his role in the movie “Amadeus” as, again, the titular character Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. This is one of his more notable roles. He has also appeared in “Stranger than Fiction,” “Animal House,” and “Jumper”.

Paul Kandel

Paul Kandel is the voice of the gypsy, Clopin, who frames the narrative of the story of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Paul astounds me with his vocal range – not just his range but the clarity and accuracy with which he sings! From the HoND I think his most impressive song is the introductory song, “The Bells of Notre Dame”. (Watch and listen here!) Another enjoyable song is “The Court of Miracles” (which is very funny in content!). Paul has not done too many films, though he has done voices in other movies (a chorus member in “Aladdin and the King of Thieves” was another Disney movie he did).

I certainly recommend watching the videos I provided. And if anyone can find a video of Tom Hulce recording these songs – I would be forever indebted to you! Enjoy 🙂

Second Semester Classes

I have multiple blog posts I want to make, but I left my list back in my room (and I’m in class right now), so I’ll just work with what I remember.

So! For my Monday/Wednesday class, I have Introduction to Ceramics with Walter Zurko (1:00-3:50pm). So far I’m really enjoying it – more than I thought I would. I haven’t worked with clay in ages, and wasn’t sure how I would like this class, but it is going pretty well. So far we’ve made some pinch pots, and our first project was about rattles. Make a pair with a dichotomy, 3 hollow forms each, not all hollow forms must rattle, but it has to rattle /somehow/. I chose a bird and a fish. They turned out pretty well, overall. They haven’t been fired yet, but they do rattle at the bone dry stage! Next project is a objection reinterpretation with coils. I hate coils, I’ve decided, but I’m determined! Planning to reinterpret an Egyptian cat figurine that I have.

Tuesday/Thursday
I am a TA (Teaching Assistant) for Introduction to Digital Imaging with Bridget Milligan (one of my favorite professors; 1:00-3:50pm). Not much to say about this other than I get to sit in the back and do what I want, and sometimes I’ll go over and help people if they are struggling. Took this class my first semester freshman year. I have another class, so I actually leave around 2:20 to go to my next class: Perception and Action with John Neuhoff (2:30-3:50pm). That class is actually for my major, so it is important that I get to it! It’s pretty interesting so far, I suppose. A little more scientific than I’m used to for a psychology class, I suppose. At night (Tuesday only) I have War and Peace on Film with Jeffrey Lantis (7:00-9:40pm). It’s like a film class that isn’t really a film class – because it is in the Political Science department and is taught by a Polysci professor. But I’m enjoying it, even if the reading for the class is a little overwhelming at times!

Friday
Friday afternoon I have a lab from 1:00-3:50pm for my Perception and Action class, except the way the class is organized, we don’t have a lab every week, and instead we just come in for a meeting with a group for a group project that will last throughout the semester. So I really only have a 20 minute meeting at 2pm on Fridays. Woot!

Anyway, that’s my schedule for this semester. Plus I ride Wednesday night (hunt seat) and Thursday morning (dressage). Oh yeah, and some work thrown in there. 😛

Lord of the Rings: Quotes

Some of you may have seen on Facebook that I was doing a weekend marathon of the Lord of the Rings (extended versions). I posted many quotes there over the course of my watching, and I am compiling them all here! I am also adding some of my comments, which will be in italics.

The Fellowship of the Ring

Samwise Gamgee: I’ve been droppin’ no eaves, Sir!

Elrond is just so pessimistic…

According to Arwen-Undomiel.com, my elvish name is Galasriniel, meaning “crowned with plant”. (Like my name, meaning “crowned with laurel”.)

Gandalf: You shall not pass!! — Wrong password, try again please.

I feel like you’d have to have only one or two Horns of Gondor, or else everyone would be calling with it all the time. “HELP I’M DYING!” “NO HELP ME I’M DYING!”

Frodo: I’m going to Mordor alone!
Sam: Of course you are, and I’m coming with you!

Aragorn: Let’s hunt some orc!

 

The Two Towers

Gandalf: Shadowfax, he’s the lord of all horses, and he’s been my friend through many dangers.

Smeagol: Cold be hand and heart and bone. Cold be travelers far from home. They do not see what lies ahead when sun has failed and moon is dead.

Sam: Even you couldn’t say no to that!
Smeagol: Oh yes we could! Spoiling nice fish.. give it to us raaaw and wrrrriggling! Keep your nasty chips!
Sam: You’re hopeless.

‎Faramir: And who are you? His bodyguard?
Sam: His gardener.

Gimli: Whatever luck you’ve lived by, let’s hope it lasts the night!
Legolas: Your friends are with you, Aragorn.
Gimli: Let’s hope they last the night!

Merry and Pippin: But the only brew for the brave and truuuueeee comes from the Green Dragon!

 

The Return of the King

Sam: Sneaking off are we?
Smeagol: Sneaking? Sneeeaking? Fat hobbit is always so polite. Smeagol shows them secret ways, that nobody else can find, and they say /sneak/? Sneeak! Very nice, very nice, oh yes precious, very nice indeed.
Sam: Alright, alright! You just startled me is all. What were you doing?
Gollum: Sneaking..
Sam: Alright, have it your way then.

Gimli: Well this is a thing unheard of! An elf will go underground, when a dwarf dare not! Ohhh… I’d never hear the end of it!

It’s cool that the Mordor orcs have a captain with a bum leg. Yay for equal opportunity!

Gollum: Pretty little fly. Why does it cry? Caught in a web, soon you’ll be…. eaten.

Aragorn: Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship; but it is not this day! An hour of woe, and shattered shields, when the Age of Men comes crashing down; but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!

Sam: C’mon Mr. Frodo! I can’t carry it for you — but I can carry you!!

 

I also recommend that everyone listen to Annie Lennox’s song, “Into the West.” I always watch enough credits to listen to that because it is absolutely beautiful!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24fGmWG6kpg <– “Into the West” – Annie Lennox

First Start at the Very Beginning

“First start at the very beginning…”

Of course now I have The Sound of Music and Julie Andrews’ amazing voice stuck in my head. Good job, Lauren. As if I needed another distraction!

The beginning. This will be the first post of a couple, seeing as I feel like I have much to update you all on, and I get annoyed with sticking it all in one post. That bit of knowledge is the prelude to the beginning. And now….

THE BEGINNING! Happy 2012 everyone! I’ve been remiss with my blog, and have not only left you all alone during my ENTIRE MONTH OFF, but have not even bothered to wish the few followers I have happy holidays and happy new year. I hope you all have been delightful children and have not only been good over your holidays (Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate this winter season). I also hope that you have all made your new year resolutions. Now – keep to them!

My holidays were lovely. Got to see family (nieces and nephews – including a 10 day old Myra!), and enjoy their company. Best present was my new Kindle Fire, which is entertaining me and saving money on books – including school books!

I must be honest with you guys, I am totally distracted by the Sound of Music, and I will have to come back to blogging when it is over! Talk to you later my darlings. 🙂

The Recent News

Has anyone noticed the snow falling from WordPress’s page? I’m loving it! That’s actually not what I’m intended to talk about, but it was snowing as I typed and I just wanted to say something about it!

Anyway. NaNoWriMo update? Check. I did finish with five days to spare, which was really a fantastic accomplishment for me! My friend John did beat me, because the validator added 500 words to his self-reported wordcount — that little bugger! All the same, this November was wonderfully productive and I’m really happy with how it went! I’m taking the story that sort of went off on its own, The Boy That Rides On Trains, and I’d like to beef it up, make it pretty, and perhaps try to publish it. Is that too crazy? I dunno, maybe it is. If there are any enthusiastic readers or good editors?! please drop me a note (somewhere..) and I can send you the first draft of the story. I’m working on a second draft as we speak, but it is going a little slowly due to a persistent lack of self-confidence and nagging self-doubt. I’ve also posted the first two chapters to another story I’m writing (that may turn into novel-material), and the first chapter of the second draft of the story I aforementioned that I’m editing.

Other things in life! I’ve had some personal school/people drama in my life that has been frustrating/depressing. Since this is a public blog I’d like to save this discussion for private or a much much later date. For now, let’s just say I’m trying to resolve it.

Finals are next week, and I’m TOTALLY psyched for those. Yeah right. Hopefully I will be able to breeze through them and get back home and enjoy a month off from school.

I’d also like to promote Puzzles.com and all the wonderful entertainment they provide. I spent way too much time last just doing logic puzzles, tangrams, a tessellation, and then this game called Strimko which I find I’m developing a small addiction to.
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Anywho, this seems like a pretty good update and a nice place to leave off. I have studying to do, editing to do, and laundry to do. Plus I feel like eating some more. That beef ravioli was not enough to fill me until dinner….

Toodles, friends!

Cuteness on Toast

Bath time for the kitty!

This sorta makes my day, I’m not gonna lie. My two favorite animals being cute together!